I read through Hubby’s post and heard his heart of remembering our younger days. He isn’t wrong, I just remember things a little different and acknowledge the growth that has come since we each made Jesus our primary relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful he remembers things the way he does in this instance because I wasn’t nearly as good at loving him well in the early years.

I have discovered I have some attachment disorder. I don’t like labels but how it showed up in my life when I was younger was a real disconnection from others. It has always been a little scary for me to get close to others, though I have grown a ton over the years. With Hubby, when we were younger, I could hardly touch him unless it was in the bedroom and though I kissed him in front of others, holding hands was really difficult for me. I can actually tell you when it changed, almost to the day. What Hubby recalls is how I make him feel today and for the last several years. I’m grateful I offer those feelings to him today, but it took Jesus to get me there.

The day I recall that changing was a few days after I’d gotten off of life support and been moved to the surgical recovery floor. The day they allowed me to get out of bed for my first shower in weeks, was the day it all changed for me. Hubby was allowed to be the one to help me in the shower instead of a nurse and he wanted to help me. I recall sitting on the shower seat, thinking to myself how much I truly love this man in front of me. He took care of me all the way through the hardest times most people could fathom medically with me. He never put himself ahead of me while I was suffering, even though he was suffering too. He put me first, and I couldn’t recall a time in our marriage when I had put him first. I felt a new kind of love toward him and all I wanted to do was help him to feel that love.

Fast forward to me getting on the other side of the medical trauma we both faced, and being at home or in public, I wanted to hold his hand or touch his leg to let him know I was there and not going anywhere. One of his top love languages is touch, not necessarily sex though he enjoys that to it’s fullest. He simply loves the reminder that he has someone by his side who loves him in spite of himself. And he returns that to me in spades, loving me when I am not fully loveable.

Remembering our lives together in marriage has been interesting. We do not always remember things the same way, but we always remember how much we love one another and remind each other that love doesn’t have an end.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

I’m going to borrow some of today’s content from a devotional my wife and I recently read from Awesome Marriage.

“When you were first interested in your spouse, you probably wanted to spend time with them and learn all about them. As you got to know each other, your relationship grew, until the day you stood at the altar together and made your vows…our covenant “one flesh” relationship with our spouse, our pursuit of their heart continues for all the days of our lives.”

This is about remembering! I remember our early days in college – hanging out, shopping, going dancing, eating out – we wanted to spend all our time together, and the more time we spent together, the more we came to love each other! And we still love doing all those things together – and when we can go back to an OSU football game all those memories come back to us, and part of us feels like we are back there again!

“Many couples talk, kiss, hold hands, and go on dates far less often after getting married than while dating. But those good things that brought you together in the beginning are what will keep bringing you together for all the days to come.”

This is one area where we have not been shy! We hold hands as we walk through the mall, as we watch tv, as we worship at church. We kiss…often! Our kids hated it and loved it at the same time – we showed our kids how much we loved and enjoyed each other as they were growing up, and I believe they want the same love and intimacy in their marriages.

We have met some couples that do not kiss any more. They think it’s weird or disgusting. How else can we fully remember if we do not kiss? Remembering is more than just mental pictures. Kissing awakens all our senses, and we remember all the smells, tastes and touches that we also fell in love with when we were younger! It also has many health benefits! Look them up..

When you were dating you loved learning about your spouse! “Being a student of your spouse is a marriage-long project. How can you get to know your spouse better today?”

What were three things you used to enjoy when you and your spouse were first dating? Remember what you used to love – and try it again – you might find that you still enjoy it!

“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.” – Song of Songs 1:2 NLT

“”Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Exodus 20:8

We have ten commandments in the Old Testament that God Himself gave to Moses. Out of those ten, this is the only one where He tells us to remember, I take that as a commandment where He meant business. The question is, why does God continually tell us to remember? The answer is simple, we forget.

In this commandment, He is telling us to Sabbath. Most of the American Christian world has written off the Ten Commandments as “Old Testament” that doesn’t really matter anymore because Jesus came and set us free. There is a Scripture that states exactly that, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free” (Gal 5:1). As Christians in America, what I see is people using that Scripture to do whatever they want and believing they are forgiven so it doesn’t matter. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Heb 13:8) so His desire for us to follow His commandments and His Spirit, but today it is out of love rather than obligation to achieve salvation.

The past few years have been a growing, learning, and maturing in Christ for our marriage and for each of us individually. Sabbath has become “a thing” for us. We have attended a few Sabbath Friday evenings in friends homes over the years and attended a few Seder dinners. I didn’t even have a clue what those things were ten years ago. In case you haven’t learned about them, they are traditions in Jewish heritage and were designed by God Himself. Since He is the same, always, I have made the decision that I want to honor Him in the things that He commanded of His people, by my choice because I love God and am grateful to be in His family.

Different people celebrate Sabbath different ways but one thing it always includes is sitting down to dinner on Friday evening, Sabbath, and beginning with prayers, repentance, Lord’s supper, and a meal. There is an exact way to do it in the Jewish custom, certain prayers and foods that are typically present, but the heart of it is the same. We are taking time to rest in Jesus, “knowing that He is faithful and will forgive us as we forgive others” (1 John 1:9). We decided in our home, we want to take time to rest in Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit. When we rest a day as God did, He honors that by showing up and communing with us. We are learning to stop our minds and hearts and listen to what God is saying to us as we spend time in His presence. He told us to remember and rest, I doubt His desire for us has changed just because His Son came to set us free.

There is another Scripture that says that Jesus did not come to abolish the law, but to be the fulfillment of the law (Matt 5:17-18). Not only that but Jesus next clearly commended those who teach the law and do so accurately:

“So if you ignore the least commandment and teach others to do the same,you will be called the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be called great in the Kingdom of Heaven.” Matt 5:19

It’s clear that though Jesus set us free from the law, God still expects us to keep it and to teach it accurately. Sabbath is a part of the law. Even God kept Sabbath, not because He needed it, He’s God after all. He offered us Sabbath as a gift to both us, and Him. We spend time acknowledging our need for Him when we rest. We do not do a traditional Sabbath when we are home, but we are learning how. After our meal on Friday, we spend the following day, the rest of Sabbath, resting in Him and in one another. This is a major way that Doc and I find time to reminisce about our life together and spend time weekly with each other. This world is busy and making time for Sabbath isn’t always easy, but the benefits we have gotten from making it a priority in our lives has changed everything.

We choose to remember the Sabbath day and we are working on what it looks like for us to keep it Holy. I believe God honors however we do it as long as He is a central part of it. Even when life gets overly busy, my hope is that we will have at least one day each week when we honor Him, we love on one another, and we spend time with family both blood and created. Sabbath is a gift and has been a gift to our marriage so we are choosing to “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it Holy.”

‘He took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” ” – Luke 22 : 19 NLT

On the last night of His life, Jesus gave this command – to remember Him every time we take the Lord’s Supper together. I think that if Jesus said it, it’s pretty important! And again in 1 Corinthians, Paul tells us to do it again, “In remembrance of Him”.

What better way than to remember His sacrifice, His suffering, and His love for us than by taking bread (His body) and wine (or juice – the fruit of the vine – which is His blood). When we take communion we are stepping back into history — we can imagine what it was like for the disciples, knowing something was different about that meal, and try to understand what He was saying: He was the fulfillment of the Passover tradition started hundreds of years before He came as Messiah.

And we can also remember the promise He gave at the same meal – that He would drink wine with us again when the Kingdom of God had come. Jesus will come again and restore us to Himself, and we will eat and drink with Him in heaven forever.

We have made it a common practice in our home – sometimes daily – to take communion and remember what He did for us. And when Chandra and I worship together, and take communion together – we are proclaiming His future Kingdom and stepping back into history and REMEMBERING all He has done for us and all He has promised to do. And Jesus is right there with us:

“ For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” – Matthew 18 : 20

And there is something about worshiping with Chandra, and remembering, that makes our marriage more intimate. It is one of my favorite things about our marriage. And I think she would agree.

“²⁴Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ²⁵ And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” – Hebrews 10 : 24 – 25

“…Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. THink about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8

This is a verse that is rooted deep in me. I used to believe that I had no power over my own thoughts, they owned me. Trauma I’ve walked through plagued my mind for most of my adult life and led me down some rabbit holes I wish I had never traversed. Once my life became more about knowing Jesus and walking in His ways, the more I realized those “thoughts” were not always my own. I love this verse because it is a constant reminder that my life can revolve around truth, but I have to know truth and the Bible says that Jesus came to set us free for the sole purpose of freedom (Gal 5:1), that includes freedom of thought. We do not have to remain a slave to the things we once believed, we can choose to believe differently.

As I was talking with Jesus this morning, we were discussing my purpose. I know my purpose in this world is to be married to Matt and to be an amazing wife to him. It took me many years of marriage to come to this conclusion, for a lot of our early years we somewhat lived separate lives. Once we walked through me on life support for a week, everything changed. My heart about being a wife and mom became my main purpose. I’ve heard several teachings over the years about marriage and one of the biggest things that stuck out to me in all of them was, my first ministry is at home. That wasn’t at all what I had been living my life for prior to life support, but once Jesus saved my life it became my primary focus. Doc is my best friend, I knew I had to learn what it looks like to be and have a best friend.

As we walked through our hardest years which were from about 25-30 years of marriage, I doubted we would make it. The “D” word came out of my mouth almost more than the “L” word. We hadn’t done marriage very well, and neither one of us had a best friend outside of marriage, so we didn’t have much practice at that either. When I say that it was Jesus who taught me how to be a friend, I mean that from the truest sense of the expression. What I knew was that I wanted to be really good at being married and I wanted him to be the most fulfilled man he could be so that when he was in public, he always felt safety from our home. During those hard years we weren’t sure how to even like each other most days, but we were on a firm foundation with Jesus in our marriage. God made all the difference.

Theres a line from a movie I won’t reference but I will share the line because it is one that became a common statement in our marriage. One woman asks another woman if she loves her husband every day, the response is “Yes, not all day every day, but every day.” What kept my eyes on the things that Paul tells the Philippians to think on was choice. We spent most evening fighting, drinking, and crying. The season and cycle felt as if it would never end. We abused one another with words that could cut down a tree. Still, in the morning, when God’s grace was new, my focus became my choice. Sober minded, I can choose what to think about and since His mercies are new each day(Lam 3:22-23), I knew He loved me and I knew that Doc loved me. I chose to settle my mind in that truth, especially when the enemy was doing everything he could to tear us apart. I knew I wanted a different legacy for our family and I knew our foundation was secure, so I would spend the mornings crying out to Jesus. My morning routine for ten years has been to start my day in the Bible. Some days it is fifteen minutes and some days it can be multiple hours, but every day it reminds me of Whose I am and who I am in Him. Once I put on that truth, I have the ability to think on what I choose more readily. I used to wake up and my mind would immediately run to chaos. Those days are long gone, praise Jesus, but I still recall how chaotic my life was all the time. Once I put truth into my heart and head, it helps me to filter things through that truth, including the pain I’d endured and caused the night before.

SInce God’s mercies are new each morning, I knew that my mercies toward Doc had to be new each morning. I spent years crying with Jesus and thanking Him for an incredible husband. Was he or is he perfect? Absolutely not. But he is perfect for me. We believe that God gave us marriage to make us holy. For years I thought “what in the world is holy? There’s no way I will ever be holy.” Becoming holy is work because we are not born that way and life challenges us at every turn. Holiness to me is choosing to focus on what is good and I knew my husband was a good man that had been beaten down by life. We all have wounds and left unmended they come out in harmful ways toward others. Typically the worst of it is given to our spouses and children. What kept my heart in love with Doc was that I focused in the mornings on his goodness. I know God gave me a man after His own heart, but the enemy loves to destroy, especially marriage. I choose to think on all the good things that have come from being married to the man God gave me rather than focus on the areas where he has let me down. Remembering the good stuff is that only way a marriage will last and we both wanted our marriage to last. There is bad stuff and we do have to talk through those times, but keeping our mind on the good will keep the foundation of our marriage solid.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Thought the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.” Matthew 7:24-25

Recently Doc and I read a devotional that talked about the power of remembering. In marriage, there have to be good memories, do you know why? You got married. I would venture to guess that most of us enjoyed that day and the days that followed when we got to hang out with our new best friend for life. Doc and I have walked through some really hard things over the last 33 years and in the midst of those things, we can find it even more difficult to recall the good ole’ days. I sometimes ask myself, “Were there any good ole’ days?”

Relationship is difficult in every case. Relationship is always dealing with two individuals who see the world from completely different perspectives and have different ideas about what’s right and wrong. Even when remembering events we have walked through together, doc and I have completely different ideas about what it was really like. Thank God for the Bible, or who knows how we could ever settle on any truths?! I’ve had friends who have left their spouse after nearly three decades and not be able to recall any good times. I’ve had other friends who were left, and all they can recall are the good times, they don’t understand what happened. Those are two extremes, but I could tell you story after story of all the in-betweens, and the reality would still be, remembering things is simply how we see them. What we recall about any given situation or conversation is limited and we can choose where we put our focus at any given moment.

Matt and I have taken a lot of time over the past few years to remember. As we thumb through pictures and look at the highlights of our lives together, we remember the joy we had in those moments and it bonds us in a way that roots deep. When I left in 2019, it was difficult to recall times when I felt safe and trusted him with my heart. Still, even in our worst of times in marriage, we had great moments. When we reminisce about those moments rather than focusing on the yuck, it changes something inside of us. When we spend time focused on truth, lies tend to fade away. I discovered that when I started my daily habit of reading the Bible ten years ago. I would read a verse, put it to memory, and then not be able to recall it a few weeks later. Scripture reminds me to remember that all things work together for my good (Rom 8:28), but I constantly forget. “Remember” in some variation is in the Bible over 200 times. I’m assuming God knows that we will forget His promises, so we probably will forget the good times when the bad times come too. I can forget that I am madly in love with Matthew Wayne Ford with one sentence out of his mouth, and my mind can jump to him being my enemy really fast. He’s not my enemy, but we do have one and his desire for our marriage is separation.

If you met Doc and me today, you would have no idea what we have walked through to get to this healthy-er and more peace filled place. Many days, as I bask in the present, I also recall from where we came. Some of you have followed us for a while and know some about our walk together, but few have walked with us through the whole story. It can be easier to get caught up in the beauty of today and how we do a lot of marriage well. Still, we do not want to forget the things that chipped away at the stony hearts we entered marriage with. The Kingdom of God is glorified in our story of where we once were, and where we are today. The reason we are still married, and still have the hots for one another, isn’t by accident. It’s also not because we came into marriage healthy, after all we were 19 and 21. It’s because of the trials we’ve endured together that give us the opportunity to reveal the love of God to others through our marriage we see as ONE Flesh.

Doc and I are great at remembering the good times, we struggle with allowing our hearts to walk through the pain. We know that God wants to heal us in those place, those memories. He is not bound by time, so when we remember the painful memories, He shows us where He was in the midst. The Bible says that He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deut 31:6) which means that He was there then, and is here now. That concept is too great for me to comprehend, but that doesn’t make it untrue. When we remember the hard times, we glorify God for where we have come today with Him.

Anniversaries and birthdays are great times for remembering the good times. One of the ways we keep the good times alive in our marriage is by talking about them with one another, especially on special days. We have made remembering those good times a constant in our marriage so that when the hard times do come, because we all know they will, we are grounded. That is the firm foundation we stand on and when the hard times hit. I’m grateful for our foundation and God being at the center of our marriage.

“and when He had given thanks, He broke it (the Bread) and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken fo ryou; do this in remembrance of Me.” 1 Corinthians 11:24

Remembrance runs throughout the Bible. God set a rainbow in the skies so we would remember the flood and His promise to never again destroy the earth with a flood. He had the Israelites set stones at the river Jordan to remember crossing over into the promised land. Samuel set an “ebenezer” or “stone of help” so that future generations could remember the Israelites victory over the Philistines. A ring is on my finger so I remember the covenant and vows I made to Chandra at our wedding. Over and over again we see God creating ways to remember His works. He wants us to live in remembrance.

After several months of counseling, one of our counselors gave Chandra and I the questions we had answered when we started with him and had us answer them again. When we compared them, we noticed that our relationship had improved much more than we had realized. He does this for all his clients – we forget to REMEMBER where we were, and see how God has matured us!

Plus the ENEMY wants us to believe nothing has changed, and it will never get any better than it is right now. If we believe in Jesus, He is working in us and through us to finish the work He started in us when we first believed. (Phillipians 2:13) He loves us too much to let us remain stuck where we are.

Chandra and I take a weekend every fall to look back and REMEMBER – the last year, our milestones – and to look forward to the following year. If I never looked back, I would constantly be striving for some better version of myself instead of looking back and seeing all the work God has done in me. Looking back helps me to live in the confidence of the work He has done and is doing in me every day.

¹¹ But then I recall all you have done, O Lord;
    I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.
¹² They are constantly in my thoughts.
    I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.

¹³ O God, your ways are holy.
    Is there any god as mighty as you?
¹⁴ You are the God of great wonders!

Psalm 77: 11-14a NLT

Three and a half years ago when Chandra left me I was an angry man. Everything made me angry. I had some wounds I hadn’t dealt with, and I was blaming everyone else for the problems I was having. Bad drivers made me angry – slow cashiers made me angry – even minor frustrations caused anger that was out of proportion to the size of the problem. I was focusing on things I didn’t have instead of the things that God has given me. And Chandra took the brunt of my anger because she was the one who lived with me!

Fast forward to today, and things don’t bother me near like they did then. Life is full of peace. I have learned to yield to others – especially my wife. I still have days when my focus is off. But when I start my day remembering the good things – whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable (Philippians 4:8) – and keep my eyes focused on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2) – He gives me all that I need (Psalms 16:5)!

I know it’s been awhile since we’ve posted. We have been trying to figure out what God wants us to pursue in this next season. We have both agreed that we need to start posting again – and July is all about remembering:

Recently Chandra and I read a devotional in YouVersion (The 7 Rings of Marriage), and this is what stood out to me when thinking about the purpose of the trials we go through:

“God is using you to create something great in your marriage. Imagine a hammer, chisel, and stone. God is the blacksmith.” (I would have said “sculptor”!) “Sometimes Jackie is the chisel and Stephana is the stone. Sometimes it’s the opposite. God hammers the chisel causing it to break pieces of the stone, which may be painful. But God’s intentions aren’t to destroy either of you or your marriage. His purpose is to make you and your marriage pleasing in His sight.”

His Word tells me to be glad when I go through these trials, and that I will have joy when His glory is revealed to the world. (1 Peter 4:12-13) That is my dream – for our marriage, and for all marriages! Marriages should be a place where people can look for God’s glory! It is way too easy to get divorced – and our God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). What if Christian marriages looked different than the world because we remembered that WE are NOT OF THIS WORLD?

When Chandra left me four days before Christmas in 2019, we both had choices we could make. Would she go seek out another man to fulfill her dreams? Would I remember all the times she had hurt me, vow to get even and go find another woman to fulfill me? Or would I remember who I am IN CHRIST, the vow I made to her, and search for MY OWN HEALING so God could RESTORE our marriage like Christ longs to RESTORE us to himself???

I could have focused on all the illness we have had to endure in our marriage (Chandra’s 46 surgeries, my 4 surgeries, depression, malnutrition, addiction, etc.) I could have focused on the financial struggles (bankruptcy, foreclosure, student loans). I could have focused on all the disagreements we have had and the times she hurt me. I could have focused on all the disappointments, failures, and unmet expectations. (Chandra could have done the same! …OUCH) But instead I chose to REMEMBER how we came through all the struggles, illnesses and obstacles stronger and more mature. God may have been pruning something in me to help me produce more fruit (John 15). When I look back over my life, I have a choice to make – do I look back in regret, or do I REMEMBER the good things and focus on those?

Sometimes I have to look back, with God, and remember who I used to be – and allow Him to show me His glory – coming to fruition in me, in Chandra and in our marriage. I’m not who I want to be, but thank God I’m not who I used to be, either.

It took us almost six months of counseling, talking and REMEMBERING the good times before we were ready to recommit to each other again. We have walked through hard times together, and we still choose to share our lives and create even more lasting memories. And when I look back and remember, God can show me how he has sculpted Chandra, and me, and our marriage, into something beautiful that brings HIM glory.

“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” – Ephesians 2:10 NLT

Join us this weekly this month as we remember what God has done in each of us and in our marriage to grow us and bring glory to Himself.

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church–a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor–since they’re already “one” in marriage.” Ephesians 5:25-28 (MSG)

I don’t think there is any more clear instruction as how we are to TALK to our wives!

I discovered this in a very difficult way during the time my wife and I were separated. For a very long time I was not speaking words of LIFE over her but of DEATH. I criticized her emotions, her reactions to me, and fought for my own way until she couldn’t deal with it any more. Alone at night with my thoughts and my own emotions (for five months), I figured out that the problem was not her or her emotions, but me and my words and tone! I realized I blamed her for all of her problems AND all of mine. And I always had to be RIGHT. Which made her wrong – with both WORDS and TONE.

During the months of counseling that followed I learned to listen and clarify what she was saying before having an emotional response (usually). I learned that I didn’t have to correct her, even if I thought she was wrong, because I might be wrong, too (sometimes). I learned that she just needed me to validate her feelings – not agree with them (sometimes agree with them?). When I focused on HER needs instead of my own, my words and emotions calmed down (along with my tone), and we were able to have real conversations, where both of us felt heard (most of the time!).

When Chandra feels heard, she feels like we are moving towards becoming ONE FLESH. Communication is how she feels INTIMACY. She needs to know I see her. She needs to know I want to hear her. She needs to know that I want to share my days with her. I also learned that it is my responsibility, as her husband, to INVITE her into that communication and intimacy with the WORDS I use to “evoke her beauty” and “bring out her best”. There is no other way to speak to my wife than the way Jesus speaks to us (words and tone) if I want to “evoke her beauty” and “bring out her best”, and I want her trust me with her feelings.

Ken Nair, in his book “Discovering the Mind of a Woman” (a great book if you want to love your wife better!), says “If Christ’s goal was to be one with God,” (we know it was) “then a man must learn how to demonstrate oneness with God in Christ through oneness with his wife”. And that oneness must include words from me that evoke ONE FLESH.

“In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies…No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.” – Ephesians 5:28-29

When a friend who teaches sex seminars shared with me that she teaches couples to pray before sex, it was a foreign thought to me. She shared this with me about eight years ago and it took about five years for it to become a habit, but one well worth the effort. God loves sex. After all, He’s the one who invented it, and all of His ideas are “good”, or “very good” when it comes to His design of us. Unfortunately, far too many people have been taken advantage of sexually by someone in their childhood or teen years. This abuse of sex is horrendous, egregious, and evil. God gave us sex for good, man and satan have used it to harm one another and that is not okay. Gratefully, I found healing from my childhood abuse in the arms of my husband, and sex has mostly been a beautiful part of our marriage. My heart goes out to those who are still finding their way to healing with Jesus and my prayers go up for you.

When my friend offered her advice, I brought it to Hubby for discussion. He didn’t see it as unusual and agreed to start praying prior to making love. It was so awkward at first. As with a lot of new things, it felt weird starting our intimate time by talking to God about it. Hubby and I found it awkward to pray together at all for most of our marriage, but for the past eight years it has been something we have practiced a lot. We made it a practice before sex because of the things we noticed once we did. In Hebrews 10:4, the Bible tells us that “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled”, the word “undefiled” there means “uncontaminated” or “set apart”. What better way to set apart our marriage bed than offering the time, space, and outcome to the One who designed us, marriage, and sex. Fortunately, we do not have any past transgressions toward one another regarding this area of our relationship and that makes it easy to surrender all of our selves to the Kingdom. We know there is a “great cloud of witnesses” who are always watching, praying we all will follow God’s design in every area of our lives.

SInce we began our prayer journey prior to sex, what I can say it has offered me is peace. As a woman, I can tend to get lost in lists, stories, or other priorities. Sometimes it is difficult to get “into it” where it seems my husband is full throttle from the word go. We’ve learned through books and sex studies that our individual ways of seeing things, as male and female, are completely opposite. Men are microwave ovens and women are crock pots. In other words, women need a lot more to get into the right mindset and arousal for sex to be pleasurable. Men need a suggestion and they can be ready to go. I’m not sure why God made us that opposite, but I’m certain He had a good reason. Some pastors have said it’s so that men will work harder for the woman? Who knows for sure, after all, His thoughts are way above mine! Prayer has given me the opportunity to release all that is going on in my mind and invites me to focus in on Hubby. Our marriage is my main priority but there have been seasons that it didn’t look that way in the bedroom. Since we began prayer, I’ve noticed that I have a much better chance that I will be able to get focused on Hubby and intimacy, and let go of the outside things that hinder our connection. God intended for us to become One flesh, it’s the only gift you and your spouse have that you only offer to one another. It’s sacred. Because of that, prayer is absolutely necessary to create a desirable space guarded by heavenly angels. It’s an opportunity for body, soul, and spirit Oneness and it’s the best addition to our sex lives we’ve ever added. I hope that you will make it a habit in your marriage bed too!